the cross is always ready.

wow. God did so much more than i even expected. you just dont know how good He is to me, though i don't either. He's so insanely good that my own mind can't comprehend it all. 

Tuesday and Wednesday [traveling and six flags] i was guarding and preparing my heart every moment. i made sure to keep a seeking heart and to not get too wrapped up in everything. 

my attitude going into this weekend was that i didn't want to miss ANYTHING that God had for me, and i wanted EVERYTHING He had for me. 

and i got hacked. most of the posts that were put up here weren't even me.

everything was just good. the worship, the words. i soaked up every bit of what was being said. i got to lay on my face and just be heart to heart with Jesus, my HEART finally got to be next to His and it was the most perfect thing ever. i felt Him looking at me this weekend. His eyes really do burn.

but the thing that impacted me the MOST was Damon's teaching about baptism. He basically took us through nearly every verse that talked about baptism and explained what it REALLY meant. 

to put it shortly: baptism is dying. when we go into the water, we DIE. our 'egyptians' are in that water and left there as we come out. 

we were then baptized at Williams Creek. from the time that the morning service got out 'til really the evening service my  heart was just solemn. i smiled rarely, which isn't like me. i was so focused on DYING. i believed it with all my heart that when i went under that muddy, beautiful water that i would not be the same. that something in me would DIE forever. that creek is the most holy place ive ever been to. stepping on that property was so new. it was crazy.

i died. my egyptians, my own flesh, even my own desires DIED yesterday. walking down those steps to the cool water i was terrified, excited, joyful AND sorrowful all at the same time. 

i was thinking this through on our twelve hour drive home this morning. the Bible says "death, where is your sting? grave, where is your victory?" it's TRUE. dying yesterday, i found, was not bitter or sorrowful when it was said and done. the only thing in me that felt sorrow was my flesh. dying was sweet. there are no other words to describe it. 

i believe that God killed my flesh and burned the body. never, EVER to come back. and the hilarious thing is i am more alive now than ever before. im more awake now than  ever. =)

i would like to let everyone know that i will FOREVER be changed. i will never be the same again. i noticed it today when i tried to think about something that used to make me happy, and it didn't today. i didn't think i could get freer than i was. i didn't think more hunger and passion for God could come from me, but it did and it is and i am. my heart is freer than ever before.

so with these changes  also comes changes in my lifestyle.  i die daily now. every morning i pick up my cross and die. im reading the whole Bible. prayer meetings are happening, wherever i am. sleep and food don't matter. and last but not least, i refuse to miss an opportunity to tell someone about Jesus. fear of man that used to live is now dead, that is now floating down a creek in alabama, never to come back.

and i find, even now, at 12:01 on June 13th 2011, that He is still tearing stuff out of my heart. He's really ripping it out. im glad, even though some of this really hurts. i know He has my best interest in mind. and i also know that on the other side of this cutting away there are such good things. i've been waiting for this tearing for this to happen, i just didnt expect it to be like this. but i suppose if He hadn't done it this way, it wouldn't be ripped out totally. Thank You, Jesus.

verse

There's A Pure And Undefiled Religion

Walking With You Jesus

You Are The Blessed Hope

You Are The Risen Son

And There Are witnesses Of Ressurection

Calling Everyone

To Walk The Royal Way

To Sing The Kingdoms Song

Chorus

The Cross, The Cross Is always Ready

Everyday It Waits For Me

Christ Own Narrow Road Our Vision

Christ, The Everlasting Seed

im sure there is much much more i will want to add to this, and many more things to write. for a later time, when i understand better what all exactly happened this weekend.

Thank You Jesus!

it's wonderful.

im here. im in the best place i could be in. 

from the outside, im sure it looks crappy, if you know all the details. life for me isn't what most people my age have to deal with. it's still a sticky situation at times, yes. it still challenges me. but it's the best place i could possibly be. 

• everything in me desires God. this is the most beautiful place i can ever be in. desiring God is the best feeling anyone could ever experience. passionately going after Him is the best pursuit i've ever been on. it's the best story i could ever tell.
• God has given me the biggest gift EVER. He's allowing me to pour into peoples lives...through surfing. oh it's just the best! everyday i get to go out i feel SO privileged to have the great opportunity to take people surfing and watch them change within the few hours i spend with them. their language changes, what they find funny changes, it's amazing. i am so blessed.
• im learning to love. im getting exactly what i asked for :) He's placed certain people in my life that challenge me to love them. it's like they ask me every day "will you love me if i do this..?" im learning real, unconditional, fearless love that doesn't hold back one bit, even if i get hurt because of it. it's selfless love.  

i like being where i am. i definitely dont want to stay here, but im happy God has me here where i am. 

i knew God was going to do a lot since January. He has. He's done so much in me and through me! im so thankful for Him being 'all up in my business.' God is wonderful. i love giving Him my everything! 

i think, also, that right now i am more ready for this summer than i was before. i thought i was ready, but i had so much to learn and so much to walk through before. im glad i did, even though it sucked at the time. this is gonna rockk.