i have seriously lived through the most terrifying week of my life. the past 2 months i've lived through a teenage girls' hell.
and y'know, i put on a great smile when it's appropriate. but sometimes at night before i go to bed, when im all alone in my dark room with my music on, i get sad. it's like my brain gets a chance to catch up from the business of my day and comprehend all the stress and bad news and all the confusion that comes that i totally missed in the day time due to just being busy. and it's times like those that i need someone to just be close to. even if it's through text.
but im (sadly) at the point that i feel that i've exhausted everyone around me. so many bad things have happened to me that i've told people about that i feel like a debbie downer everytime i open my mouth. so i just shut it. i try to not complain. and i try to keep my talking about it to a minimum, because people come in and tell me all this stuff that sounds so simple, but it's much harder to apply.
i've lived through a lot of crap in a short 18 years.
so i just sit in my room and sing in my head to myself..."it's a damn cold night try'na figure out this life.."
and think "yeah...figuring life out right now's a challenge." boys..school..freaking people..work..swimming...
and it's not like i can just "give up" on those things, cause i want to get married, i want an education, i want to work and make money and i want to swim!! so i can't just give up...but man right now it's a challenge. if any one of those things would just simplify itself in my life; just get easier, then i could strive. if the right guy could come around, the kind that i just need right now, that doesnt bug the crap out of me, that i actually like and he actually likes me back...that'd work.
if i could just get A's in every class without trying soo hard, if it just came easy..
if i could earn $20 an hour instead of $7, and be able to work the same amount of time and the same hours as i do now...
if i could just suddenly go into insane beast-mode in swimming and become a star that schools are fighting for me all of the sudden, that would be fantastic.
and if all of these things happened, i wouldnt have so much of a reason to stress. life would simplify itself a little bit at least.
but life is there for us to struggle through.
so ill continue to struggle my way through this life of mine. maybe one day ill thrive.
and y'know, i put on a great smile when it's appropriate. but sometimes at night before i go to bed, when im all alone in my dark room with my music on, i get sad. it's like my brain gets a chance to catch up from the business of my day and comprehend all the stress and bad news and all the confusion that comes that i totally missed in the day time due to just being busy. and it's times like those that i need someone to just be close to. even if it's through text.
but im (sadly) at the point that i feel that i've exhausted everyone around me. so many bad things have happened to me that i've told people about that i feel like a debbie downer everytime i open my mouth. so i just shut it. i try to not complain. and i try to keep my talking about it to a minimum, because people come in and tell me all this stuff that sounds so simple, but it's much harder to apply.
i've lived through a lot of crap in a short 18 years.
so i just sit in my room and sing in my head to myself..."it's a damn cold night try'na figure out this life.."
and think "yeah...figuring life out right now's a challenge." boys..school..freaking people..work..swimming...
and it's not like i can just "give up" on those things, cause i want to get married, i want an education, i want to work and make money and i want to swim!! so i can't just give up...but man right now it's a challenge. if any one of those things would just simplify itself in my life; just get easier, then i could strive. if the right guy could come around, the kind that i just need right now, that doesnt bug the crap out of me, that i actually like and he actually likes me back...that'd work.
if i could just get A's in every class without trying soo hard, if it just came easy..
if i could earn $20 an hour instead of $7, and be able to work the same amount of time and the same hours as i do now...
if i could just suddenly go into insane beast-mode in swimming and become a star that schools are fighting for me all of the sudden, that would be fantastic.
and if all of these things happened, i wouldnt have so much of a reason to stress. life would simplify itself a little bit at least.
but life is there for us to struggle through.
so ill continue to struggle my way through this life of mine. maybe one day ill thrive.
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