the quote of the year

this morning, everyone woke up and started their day. something insane happened in one of my sisters' lives, and i was trying to cheer them up. "we'll go on a super long run together so we can run our frustrations out. then we will go the the fair tonight and have fun."
Mom, being a teacher and my MOM mentioned that i had a lot to get done today, and she didnt think i could get it all done.
glancing at the microwave clock i boldly said "it is ten o'clock, and i am super woman."

they all laughed at my over-confidence and we all scattered to get our stuff done.


but you know what i think? i think human beings think too much.
"it's impossible for this to happen.." we're so doubtful of our own abilities.
like "i can't lose five pounds in a week." well, have you ever REALLY tried?
"i can't go out with him..im not good enough" well, have you ever asked? have you ever tried?
everyone is so insecure; everyone thinks they're inadequate. when in all reality, they're not. I've seen the most beautiful girls (inside and out!) critique themselves to death.

and it's true, everyone's trying to find their place in this big, huge world. but for goodness sake, stop looking for an empty spot and then yelling "HEY! IS THIS ANYONE'S SPOT?!" because they'll run you over.
make room for yourself. make yourself a spot. know who you want to be, and be that person.

wanna know who im gonna be?

im gonna drop a LOT of time in swimming. im going to get a scholarship with UNF for swimming and im going to be a star swimmer. im going to get my 4 year degree in physical therapy or sports management. during those four years ill also be coaching a swim team.
im going to have a boyfriend, and we'll eventually get married.
im going to take a year at Daytona State to get certified/go to school for massage therapy.
im going to be a tough coach. ill be a lot like Tash. but my team will be strong, and we will win.
im going to keep myself SO physically fit. in my free time ill surf like a maniac.

im not afraid of hard work. im not afraid to get my hands dirty. im not even afraid of commitment. and im not afraid to call people out on their crap.
im at the point of saying "bring it, world." you can't hurt me anymore than i already have been, and i survived that so i can survive it again. you can't push me aside because no one gets away with ignoring me. and if i have to run a thousand miles i will.

so in conclusion, it's ten o'clock, and i am superwoman. 

Swimming

i keep sitting at 28 secs on my 50 and 1:04 for my 100 fr. its annoying, i wanna drop somethin.

but i was thinking yesterday while jumping in the chilled water at Cocoa Beach's Rec Center....

swimmers...
pretty much, we have a love-hate relationship with our chosen sport.
it hurts like crap. it's cold almost all year and it's only refreshing in the late spring and summer. we have hideous tan lines that are virtually impossible to get rid of. we eat soooo much and we can't hardly help it. there are times when you stop dropping seconds off your time and you start dropping tenths of a second, and that's when it gets annoying. caps are annoying; they leave tan lines and they hurt. the only time i've found them useful is in the winter when they help keep you 1 degree warmer. if you are blonde, your hair turns anywhere from green to blue, and if you're darker haired it goes blonde and then to the green-blue. and everyone SWEARS you dyed your hair when you didnt. "oh well you used sun-in then!" nope. sure didnt. and no one believes you.
girls won't shave their legs for weeks and weeks before a meet and we get teased a LOTT when we happen to wear shorts. guys get teased for shaving their legs for a big meet. and the funny thing is that it CAN help. swimming sucks because it's 90% physical and 10% mental in PRACTICE, but in a meet (where it counts) it's 10% physical and 90% mental. it's super hard to psych yourself. we get up at the butt crack of dawn for practice in the mornings and even earlier for warm up before a meet. and then there's always those people that say swimming is 'easy', even though they haven't swam competitively one day in their life; even though they haven't attended ONE of your practices, ever. they 'can still say that because when youre swimming you dont sweat' (though if you do swim, you know you sweat in the pool.). jerks.

don't get me wrong, i love swimming a lot. i just don't know why.
swimmers, you don't get enough compliments or acknowledgement to your sport. swimming is a really tough sport, and we work HARD to drop one second in a race that only lasts about 30 seconds (more or less) you know that one turn, or a bad start can cause you a race. the difference between 8th place and 1st is, at times, a second and a half. you can get DQ'd for hitting the wall a tiny bit sideways with one arm slightly in front of the other, or for shifting your weight on the block.
so, to the swimmers of the world who put up with all this crap and who still show up at practices and meets every single day, i want to congratulate you. keep workin' really friggin hard.

and just think. when the world floods again, we will be the ones that survive ;) 

Life Continues

18 hit. Senior year started. i've kept myself busy to the extreme with swimming and school and trying my very hardest to fit surfing in, though as of today i haven't been out in over a month -___-

i've brought my times down for swimming significantly since last year. im fighting to get to state, but we'll see how it pans out. this weekend is Conference. i need to beat a lot of people there to get to state. i've been training hard. hopefully it will pay off.

my plans are, now, to go to UNF for a 4 year degree in personal fitness. Possibly swim for UNF's team and if not ill join the surf team for sure. I already have most of my freshman year done thanks to BCC, so i might be able to get this done in about 3 years if i keep with the suggested schedule. I want to be a personal trainer and i want to volunteer my time at Duval County's schools as a coach because last i heard they were looking at cutting many sports out of the schools. This really is not good for kids because 1) it makes getting a college scholarship for swimming (for example..) really really hard if not impossible. and 2) i've seen where some kids wouldn't even engage themselves in school if it weren't for sports. to me, volunteering a few hours of my day to coach a team would be a great way to spend my time.

if i don't go to UNF ill hit up Daytona and live in either the port orange area or ON the beach. :)
now, i am trying to get some scholarships lined up so school isn't outrageously expensive. and im trying to get a job so that i can afford to move out and live on my own AND buy a car.
i cannot believe that summer is over already! that it's already october!! this year has gone by soooo quickly. which scares me, because people always talk about how years start passing super fast and you never get to live your life to it's fullest...

next month i'm supposed to go on a road trip to Pennsylvania to see my sister for thanksgiving. and then to Georgia again in December for the Winter Ramp. and then next summer im going to Costa Rica with Epic Surf Ministries. i feel like i need to cut one of these out so i have time to just take a deep breath. Costa is NOT being cut out.

a myriad of different emotions seem to be swarming through my head about so many different things that i honestly don't know what to do with them all.

im in one of those really awkward phases concerning church. i am still in high school, a senior, but my youth group has so many YOUNG youth (or less mature..) that i feel like i can't relate to anything we're talking about.
at the same time i am 18, so i fit into the young adults' status...but most of the young adults are in their early twenties to thirties....my issues, concerns and problems are tiny compared to theirs', and i can't relate to them either.
my issues, concerns and problems are not whether i can keep a job or that my boss is being a butt head. they are not about a teenage crush or guys stalking my every move or what drama went down at school today. my issues, concerns and problems are working hard to graduate high school, figuring out scholarships, finding an apartment and roomies, what EXACT program to go into and at which college, finding a job, and trying my hardest to please my parents while im trying to feel my way through all this. and maybe this doesn't seem real to many people, but it's real to me. i talked to a friend today for two entire hours. it's their freshman year in college. TWO HOURS. do you know how long it's been since i talked to anyone for that long and didn't get bored with it? it's because we were able to relate to each other.
so where am i left? im left with not going to church except on sundays. and even then, i have no idea what to do with myself. i hate that i feel this way, but i do.

i am in desperate need of friends my age.

anyway, after high school a whole new set of worries and concerns will clutter my table. ill move out and start college. then, for the next 3 years all i can imagine myself worrying about is school, my job, and boys. lovely. i have so much to look forward to. 

the center..?

im listening to this song my Israel Houston called "Jesus be the center"

here it is:

Jesus be the center of it all, Jesus be the center of it all
From beginning to the end, it will always be, it's always been You, Jesus.

Nothing else matters, nothing in this world will do.
Jesus You're the center, Everything revolves around You, Jesus, You

From my heart to the heavens, Jesus be the center
It's all about You, yes it's all about You.

it got me thinking about the importance of Him being the center of our lives.
i am so completely guilty here, because lately He has not been the center. recently it's been school, swimming, surfing, getting a job, moving toward graduating. i've been more motivated to get my school done with good grades than ever in my life. that's pretty much all i do, all day.

but i have to get back to the point where i say "nothing else matters, and nothing in this world will do." He needs to be placed back in the center of my life...and it's only 2 weeks into the school year.

to those of you who pray, and who happened to read this, please pray for me. it's my senior year, and i can EASILY get distracted with school and sports because it's my "last chance to make something of myself in this area.." i thousand thoughts fly through my mind in one day. "i need to apply here...i need to run...i need to do my ab workouts....i need to get chemistry done....im behind in history.....i have this to do in comm2......swimming in an hour......i need to think about my senior pictures......oh crap there's that grad meeting this week, i really need to go to put my 2 cents in on the plans...."
and then everything with my family and their HEALTH. and cars. health and cars is where everyone is failing right now, and it sucks. because everything falls on my mom and myself, and it's super tough.
life is crazy. so your prayers are def. accepted!!! thanks guys :)

Psalm 47:2b

"..He is a great King over all the earth." Psalm 47:2

i had the great pleasure to ponder this verse today. through every small thing that was placed on my shoulders today that might slow me down, i thought of THIS.
"He is a great King over ALL the earth.."
every creature in the sea, every bird in the sky and every animal on the land. over every person. over every circumstance. over every hurt or pain, over every concern. over the waves, over attitudes, it's really cool.

im so blessed to serve this King, and to know Him. it makes me soo happy to think that yes, anything could happen. but my Daddy is a GREAT King over ALL the earth. :D it makes me so so happy. that's all :)

the cross is always ready.

wow. God did so much more than i even expected. you just dont know how good He is to me, though i don't either. He's so insanely good that my own mind can't comprehend it all. 

Tuesday and Wednesday [traveling and six flags] i was guarding and preparing my heart every moment. i made sure to keep a seeking heart and to not get too wrapped up in everything. 

my attitude going into this weekend was that i didn't want to miss ANYTHING that God had for me, and i wanted EVERYTHING He had for me. 

and i got hacked. most of the posts that were put up here weren't even me.

everything was just good. the worship, the words. i soaked up every bit of what was being said. i got to lay on my face and just be heart to heart with Jesus, my HEART finally got to be next to His and it was the most perfect thing ever. i felt Him looking at me this weekend. His eyes really do burn.

but the thing that impacted me the MOST was Damon's teaching about baptism. He basically took us through nearly every verse that talked about baptism and explained what it REALLY meant. 

to put it shortly: baptism is dying. when we go into the water, we DIE. our 'egyptians' are in that water and left there as we come out. 

we were then baptized at Williams Creek. from the time that the morning service got out 'til really the evening service my  heart was just solemn. i smiled rarely, which isn't like me. i was so focused on DYING. i believed it with all my heart that when i went under that muddy, beautiful water that i would not be the same. that something in me would DIE forever. that creek is the most holy place ive ever been to. stepping on that property was so new. it was crazy.

i died. my egyptians, my own flesh, even my own desires DIED yesterday. walking down those steps to the cool water i was terrified, excited, joyful AND sorrowful all at the same time. 

i was thinking this through on our twelve hour drive home this morning. the Bible says "death, where is your sting? grave, where is your victory?" it's TRUE. dying yesterday, i found, was not bitter or sorrowful when it was said and done. the only thing in me that felt sorrow was my flesh. dying was sweet. there are no other words to describe it. 

i believe that God killed my flesh and burned the body. never, EVER to come back. and the hilarious thing is i am more alive now than ever before. im more awake now than  ever. =)

i would like to let everyone know that i will FOREVER be changed. i will never be the same again. i noticed it today when i tried to think about something that used to make me happy, and it didn't today. i didn't think i could get freer than i was. i didn't think more hunger and passion for God could come from me, but it did and it is and i am. my heart is freer than ever before.

so with these changes  also comes changes in my lifestyle.  i die daily now. every morning i pick up my cross and die. im reading the whole Bible. prayer meetings are happening, wherever i am. sleep and food don't matter. and last but not least, i refuse to miss an opportunity to tell someone about Jesus. fear of man that used to live is now dead, that is now floating down a creek in alabama, never to come back.

and i find, even now, at 12:01 on June 13th 2011, that He is still tearing stuff out of my heart. He's really ripping it out. im glad, even though some of this really hurts. i know He has my best interest in mind. and i also know that on the other side of this cutting away there are such good things. i've been waiting for this tearing for this to happen, i just didnt expect it to be like this. but i suppose if He hadn't done it this way, it wouldn't be ripped out totally. Thank You, Jesus.

verse

There's A Pure And Undefiled Religion

Walking With You Jesus

You Are The Blessed Hope

You Are The Risen Son

And There Are witnesses Of Ressurection

Calling Everyone

To Walk The Royal Way

To Sing The Kingdoms Song

Chorus

The Cross, The Cross Is always Ready

Everyday It Waits For Me

Christ Own Narrow Road Our Vision

Christ, The Everlasting Seed

im sure there is much much more i will want to add to this, and many more things to write. for a later time, when i understand better what all exactly happened this weekend.

Thank You Jesus!

it's wonderful.

im here. im in the best place i could be in. 

from the outside, im sure it looks crappy, if you know all the details. life for me isn't what most people my age have to deal with. it's still a sticky situation at times, yes. it still challenges me. but it's the best place i could possibly be. 

• everything in me desires God. this is the most beautiful place i can ever be in. desiring God is the best feeling anyone could ever experience. passionately going after Him is the best pursuit i've ever been on. it's the best story i could ever tell.
• God has given me the biggest gift EVER. He's allowing me to pour into peoples lives...through surfing. oh it's just the best! everyday i get to go out i feel SO privileged to have the great opportunity to take people surfing and watch them change within the few hours i spend with them. their language changes, what they find funny changes, it's amazing. i am so blessed.
• im learning to love. im getting exactly what i asked for :) He's placed certain people in my life that challenge me to love them. it's like they ask me every day "will you love me if i do this..?" im learning real, unconditional, fearless love that doesn't hold back one bit, even if i get hurt because of it. it's selfless love.  

i like being where i am. i definitely dont want to stay here, but im happy God has me here where i am. 

i knew God was going to do a lot since January. He has. He's done so much in me and through me! im so thankful for Him being 'all up in my business.' God is wonderful. i love giving Him my everything! 

i think, also, that right now i am more ready for this summer than i was before. i thought i was ready, but i had so much to learn and so much to walk through before. im glad i did, even though it sucked at the time. this is gonna rockk.