I see posts on Facebook about fall. For me, when fall starts to come, it's like 3 months of holiday preparation. pumpkin everything, followed up with peppermints and lights. and I'm actually looking forward to all of it this year, which seems so strange to me.
Which brings another thought to mind...
Last year at this time, my life was slowly but surely going down the tubes. My entire family was having issues with several different things and I remember thinking, "is there a break anywhere? Any glimmering little light? Any chance that this hell I'm walking through won't last the rest of my life? It's coming from every possible direction..."
LAST YEAR, the miserable-holidays (which were incredibly lonely) kicked off the next 3 months. Dad had left again before Christmas. We didn't decorate the house at all. no lights, no tree, I didn't even buy anyone's presents 'til after Christmas day. It was hard.
January 2012 I got a job. I was working my butt off, going to school and swimming my heart out. I'd leave at 9am and not get back home until 6pm MAYBE.
then my Dad ended up in the ICU. that was horrific....he was in there for a week before I went to see him. (something that i really regret) My Mom and my sister, Amy, had been begging me to go see him. The night I went to see him for the first time, was the eve of the day they were going to put a breathing tube in him. He labored so hard for each and every breath. He was skinny, he had lost hair and he was so pale. I could only be there for 30 seconds tops before I raced out of his room, through the ICU doors and into the waiting room to cry. There was another family in there when I got in the room trying to hold myself together. Their expressions I will never forget. I must have looked horrified. It hurts just to remember....
for 47 running days, I cried at work, struggled to keep my grades up, ran a lot and swam as hard as I could. I swam at every swim meet I could get into just to keep myself busy. I broke a few PR's during that time...
But this year is looking much much better. This holiday season appears to be much happier. Little Finley (Amy's son) was born a month ago. Dad's at a program and not out on the streets. Stephen's with me. It's going to be a much happier time. and for that, I'm thankful.
