watch(wo)man

Honestly, I wouldn't be writing right now if I could simply say this to people's faces. Unfortunately, I see these things in people that I am in no position talk to about their faults because of the way they will behave and react to my confrontation....
But let me just say this....
If you claim to be a Christian, hear from God and have Holy Spirit in you, you also have the FRUIT of Holy Spirit. Let me briefly expand on this statement.
FRUIT. What is it? Fruit is something that comes off of a tree. A fruit tree produces fruit. Grapes will not grow on an orange tree and vice-versa. You can tell how good a tree is doing by it's fruit. If it produces sour fruit, you know something's wrong. But when it produces good, sweet fruit you know everything is good with it.
It's the same with the fruit of Holy Spirit.
"Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control.." (Galatians 5:22)

Let's put it this way, folks, to quickly and efficiently get my point across.
 If you do not have these fruits of the Spirit, the Spirit is not in you.
Know how I know this? God promises that this is truth. He says you reap what you sow.

Do not claim that you commune with God, that you have a good, strong relationship with Him, and do not claim that you have Holy Spirit in you if none of these things reflect in your life.

The second point I want to bring up is married to this same point.

If you are really full of the Spirit, you will not speak about your family so bitterly. You will not push them down. You will not say "you're retarded" or any harsh thing.

In my opinion, saying these things about your parents, siblings, and children makes you more of a jerkface to be around than a first degree murderer. There's special words used to describe you...words that I won't post on the internet...

And what bugs me the most is that these people post on facebook these verses of the Bible...yet I can see you have no Spirit in you. It's in plain sight.
The frustrating part is if I brought this to your attention, you would literally chew my head right off of my body. I'm not ready for that reaction...


And yes, I do ask "God, why do You show me these certain things in people that I can't even talk to, because they won't listen to a single word I say? I'd rather not see it and not have this beef with them deep inside..." It freakin sucks. 

red.

i have the sweetest, most loving boyfriend in the entire world, ya'll. Even when we can't spend time together he takes the time to write me a letter. And when i do get to see him, he truly treats me like a princess.
and I love him. And im thankful that my parents love him too.
one of the things that melted my heart today was "i like your dad."
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
ohmygoodness he knows how to steal my heart, that's for sure.
and to those of you who dont know...yeah we're talking about getting married. tying the knot.


which i know that's what's gonna happen because of recent events.


BUT anyway, i think THAT is really cool because I've prayed all my life "God please let my first boyfriend be the only boyfriend I ever have..."
<3 guess what, world! This girl waited til she was 18 to meet this guy. She never dated another. she stuck tight to her guns. She prayed a lot about it. And this is her reward. :)

no, neither of us are perfect. We have our moments that we don't get along. But we always come back to say "I'm sorry, I love you".
And all you freako's, jerks, weirdo's, meaners, rudenesses, and buttheads can lie all you want to either of us about the other. We know each other well enough to know a lie when we hear one. :P so there, suckers. take that and shove it where the sun dont shine...
and honestly, I'm not sorry for that attitude. There have been far too many liars butting their heads in our relationship trying to break us up. I'm tired of it. And that honestly is my attitude towards those people right now. None of it has done anything but strengthen our relationship. and...it's OUR relationship, not yours. Yes, I claim ownership of this on earth and in heaven, and for a reason.

anyway..I really wanted to brag on my boyfriend. Because I love him so much, and he's the best anyone could have.

whoops...

I made a big mistake this evening...
I knew better than to do this, but I did it.
It was so weird, I had gone to BCC for a career assessment and to talk to an adviser about results and such from that...the very moment I walked out of that building onto the campus, a "feeling" came on me. just hopeless. I was sad, depressed, I missed people a lot, I was impatient, quick to release stinging words from my mouth, it was horrible.
yeah I was under some major attack. and the thing that makes me upset a little is that I didn't see it when it happened.
I ended up saying some things that really hurt a few of the people I really really love, and it blew up.
All of this drama and heartache and worry all because I didn't fight the initial attack.

But, I'm learning from my mistakes, and I hope and pray that others learn from my bad example.
The Lord lead me to I John tonight after all of this...

"But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already won a victory over those people, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world."
I John 4:4

Just previous to this verse, it's talking about false prophets, what to look for in a true prophet of God, and then it continues to say how false prophets have the spirit of the antichrist, which is a spirit OF THE WORLD...
So the Spirit (God, Holy Spirit) who lives in me is greater than the spirit who subsides in the world.
That's when I was like "ohhh, I messed up..."

We all make mistakes. Yes, even as Christians. But Jesus died for exactly that, so that we can be forgiven, given a second, third, fourth, five-hundredth chance. And our mistakes doesn't make Him love us any less.

I'd also like to just acknowledge that I have a great boyfriend, who encourages me in the middle of all of this. "do me a favor, go to your room, lay on your bed, and read the Bible. I dont even care what you read, just read something. and then pray..." and he proceeded to give me specific things to pray for and about.
wise words. very wise words. <3