getting back up.

I wrote this in a letter to by dearest boyfriend...but I think everyone can hear this and get something or another from it.


I just want to remind people of something.
"Though a righteous man falls seven times, he will get up, but the wicked will stumble to ruin."
Proverbs 24:16

In the new testament, Peter denied Christ three times, even after Jesus told him that he would do it! He was warned, and three entire times, just as Jesus had warned, he denied Jesus when He needed Peter the most.

Peter really messed up, yeah. But let us remember that Peter was also the one who preached to thousands of people just weeks later and thousands of people accepted Jesus as their savior and started living radical lives for Him.
Jesus didn't beat Peter with a stick. He fulfilled him. Jesus healed the broken and hurting spots in Peters heart and soul and then sent him out to do good things for Himself.

So how can we relate this to today's world? Well, I relate it to several things but the example I will use on the internet will be my diet!
I have a very strong conviction about my body being a temple of Holy Spirit. I try my best to do well. I try to eat right, I exercise, I make an effort to stay fit. A lot of people tell me "Lisa, you're too much of a health freak.." But I dont think I am, because I'm just wanting to take care of myself.
But I still mess up. I eat that piece of chocolate. Today, I had a chicken sandwich from Sonny's, fries, and Pizza the latter half of my day. All that is is carbs, and it's my personal conviction that carbs are not good for me to consume a lot of. I try my best to limit my intake of carbs, fats, sugars and cheese.
point is, I messed up just today on my diet. I also messed up because I didnt make it to the gym for the leg workout I was supposed to do yesterday. But what do I do? I can't go back in time, I can't puke what I ate up, and I don't want to feel guilty the rest of my life. So tomorrow, I'm going to eat right and I'm going to get that leg workout in. I fell off my diet and exercise regiment. But I'm hopping right back on tomorrow.

So don't let things pound you into the ground. We aren't supposed to feel guilt and condemnation over our wrongs.God wants us to get up, dust ourselves off and continue the race. So what if we mess up again? That's why He sent His son, Jesus to forgive our sins. If He wanted us to live perfect lives He wouldn't have given us a "oh-crap-I-messed-up" option.
It's OKAY to mess up. Just get back up and continue the race the Lord has set before you. 

watch out for those who take refuge in the secret place.

To the people who have recently...
lied through your teeth right to my face, completely disrespected me, both as an adult and as a child of God, been un-just towards me and towards the people I love. Yes, to you who are convinced that you have done nothing wrong and that you have a "right" to be or do something. Who has with-held things that you have absolutely no right to with-hold. To you...

Just remember that God see's every single thing you do. He knows every intention. The things you are doing do not go unseen and they will not go ignored, because this little daughter of the King's is talking to Him about it. She's upset. She's hurt. She feels trapped. But she's talking to Him who knows all, in the secret place. She's working on being humble. She's working on loving the people who have hurt her so badly. She's trying to not worry about it, and she's trying to not let it bother her...but she has given it to the All Powerful One.

and here's another little tid-bit for you....
He will not let her cries go unheard. He will not let her pleading go unanswered. He will insure that Justice comes through for this little girl. He will not let the un-justness continue, and He will not allow it to go uncorrected.


Something that I think AMERICA's culture misses is that we have no rights. Sure..."what about our Constitution?"
That still doesn't mean we have any rights at all. Not in the Kingdom of God. So if you claim to be a Christian, you'd better believe that you have no rights except those permitted by His word.
"I have a right to disrespect you because you have disrespected me and I'm an adult and you're not. So it's okay."
WRONG.
two wrongs do not make a right, and if you're the adult, you should be mature enough to "do unto others as you would like to be done to you"
grow up.

but to those of you who even question if they have done any of the things listed above....just watch. you just watch. Because I have been getting mentored in this area. I have talked to God night after night, day after day about it. And it will not go un-noticed. Just watch.

let's just get real.

Dad encouraged me last night by saying this:

God promises that He will never give us anything we can't handle. Truth? Yes.
So, if that's the case, then He actually TRUSTS us with situations..So if I look at my life and think "wow...it's like I have problem after problem!" That's more like God saying "yeah, you do have problem after problem. But you're strong enough to handle it. I trust you with these situations to do the right thing."

So that's encouraging, especially because for me, it literally is like problem after problem. Issue after issue, and I can't confront the person I need to confront for another few months because IF I did, I would make things harder on myself.
(Only three or four people know of this particular situation..)

But even after these encouraging words, I can't help but think, especially as I scroll down facebook, "wow...you guys are so incredibly lucky...you're going to State in 4 different events, you're hanging out with your boyfriend/girlfriend without anyone breathing down your back, you can speak your mind freely, you don't live like you're walking on egg shells, you don't worry about some of the things I have to worry about,  you never, EVER had to live through most of the things I've been forced to live through, you are not injured and still hurting over things that happened a year ago..."
the list goes on and on. And I understand that I don't know everything about everyone. Everyone has their own little secrets. Cool.

I know I have victory. I know my enemy will be my footstool, I know they will have to watch me feast and they won't get any of the good food I get, I know I will be blessed, I know I will have peace and that justice in this situation will take place. And I know for a fact that in the next few years, the decisions that they are making now is going to come back and bite them right in the butt. And it's going to hurt like crazy. But that is what they're basically on their knee's begging for..

I know I've already been through a crap-load of stuff! I know I already have an awesome testimony about things that have just gone right for me. I am thankful for all of this.

But I'm still staring this battle down. I'm still having to deal with stuff I shouldn't have to deal with! And the fact that God trusts me with this is cool...but that doesn't mean I take pleasure in dealing with all of this. I'm currently doing better...I don't cry EVERY day. Probably every other day now.

This situation is teaching me some things too. Maybe that's what God's doing here...
1) I'm not here to kiss up to people's buttholes who think they are gods. THEY are the ones at fault here and if THEY don't take correction, if THEY aren't being convicted then that's their own problem.
2) It's taught me how to look for the fruits of the Spirit. And to not be extremely surprised when you DON'T find them.
3) It's really taught me to not get bitter and to forgive and not think "b*tch.." every time one particular name comes up.
4) Keeping a humble, teachable spirit will keep people from thinking "B*tch.." about me. ;) To not insist that I'm always right and to take correction.
5) It's taught me how to stand. and when I can't stand anymore, to continue to stand.
6) It's taught me to completely IGNORE what people think or say about me. What the heck does it matter anyway? Am I really going to let one person's stupid, unlearned opinion about me matter? no. Am I going to find beauty in myself and encourage myself in that? yes...
7) It's taught me discretion on how to handle immature people. Yes, I AM saying that I am more mature than the other person involved. And I say this without shame, and I'm not bragging. It's just true.
8) It's taught me how to view the situation from the other person's perspective, as twisted and wrong as it is.
9) It's taught me to not trust a living soul out there. I trust the people closely surrounding me, but no one else. And that's perfectly fine and healthy.
10) and it's teaching me how to beef up and correctly confront the other person involved. This has not taken place, neither will it for a few more months, but that's my exact point. correct confrontation is confrontation with the right words, the right attitude, and the right timing. And in some cases, with the right witnesses.

I view my life as an accelerated version as everyone else's life. If you knew some of the things I've dealt with and lived through, you would agree. I've matured far faster than a lot of people. Everyone is always going to think that I am too young for what I'm trying to accomplish. But that's okay. God knows I'm ready for what I'm battling or going for. If you think I'm too young for the things I'm doing then take it up with God. :P 

watch(wo)man

Honestly, I wouldn't be writing right now if I could simply say this to people's faces. Unfortunately, I see these things in people that I am in no position talk to about their faults because of the way they will behave and react to my confrontation....
But let me just say this....
If you claim to be a Christian, hear from God and have Holy Spirit in you, you also have the FRUIT of Holy Spirit. Let me briefly expand on this statement.
FRUIT. What is it? Fruit is something that comes off of a tree. A fruit tree produces fruit. Grapes will not grow on an orange tree and vice-versa. You can tell how good a tree is doing by it's fruit. If it produces sour fruit, you know something's wrong. But when it produces good, sweet fruit you know everything is good with it.
It's the same with the fruit of Holy Spirit.
"Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control.." (Galatians 5:22)

Let's put it this way, folks, to quickly and efficiently get my point across.
 If you do not have these fruits of the Spirit, the Spirit is not in you.
Know how I know this? God promises that this is truth. He says you reap what you sow.

Do not claim that you commune with God, that you have a good, strong relationship with Him, and do not claim that you have Holy Spirit in you if none of these things reflect in your life.

The second point I want to bring up is married to this same point.

If you are really full of the Spirit, you will not speak about your family so bitterly. You will not push them down. You will not say "you're retarded" or any harsh thing.

In my opinion, saying these things about your parents, siblings, and children makes you more of a jerkface to be around than a first degree murderer. There's special words used to describe you...words that I won't post on the internet...

And what bugs me the most is that these people post on facebook these verses of the Bible...yet I can see you have no Spirit in you. It's in plain sight.
The frustrating part is if I brought this to your attention, you would literally chew my head right off of my body. I'm not ready for that reaction...


And yes, I do ask "God, why do You show me these certain things in people that I can't even talk to, because they won't listen to a single word I say? I'd rather not see it and not have this beef with them deep inside..." It freakin sucks. 

red.

i have the sweetest, most loving boyfriend in the entire world, ya'll. Even when we can't spend time together he takes the time to write me a letter. And when i do get to see him, he truly treats me like a princess.
and I love him. And im thankful that my parents love him too.
one of the things that melted my heart today was "i like your dad."
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
ohmygoodness he knows how to steal my heart, that's for sure.
and to those of you who dont know...yeah we're talking about getting married. tying the knot.


which i know that's what's gonna happen because of recent events.


BUT anyway, i think THAT is really cool because I've prayed all my life "God please let my first boyfriend be the only boyfriend I ever have..."
<3 guess what, world! This girl waited til she was 18 to meet this guy. She never dated another. she stuck tight to her guns. She prayed a lot about it. And this is her reward. :)

no, neither of us are perfect. We have our moments that we don't get along. But we always come back to say "I'm sorry, I love you".
And all you freako's, jerks, weirdo's, meaners, rudenesses, and buttheads can lie all you want to either of us about the other. We know each other well enough to know a lie when we hear one. :P so there, suckers. take that and shove it where the sun dont shine...
and honestly, I'm not sorry for that attitude. There have been far too many liars butting their heads in our relationship trying to break us up. I'm tired of it. And that honestly is my attitude towards those people right now. None of it has done anything but strengthen our relationship. and...it's OUR relationship, not yours. Yes, I claim ownership of this on earth and in heaven, and for a reason.

anyway..I really wanted to brag on my boyfriend. Because I love him so much, and he's the best anyone could have.

whoops...

I made a big mistake this evening...
I knew better than to do this, but I did it.
It was so weird, I had gone to BCC for a career assessment and to talk to an adviser about results and such from that...the very moment I walked out of that building onto the campus, a "feeling" came on me. just hopeless. I was sad, depressed, I missed people a lot, I was impatient, quick to release stinging words from my mouth, it was horrible.
yeah I was under some major attack. and the thing that makes me upset a little is that I didn't see it when it happened.
I ended up saying some things that really hurt a few of the people I really really love, and it blew up.
All of this drama and heartache and worry all because I didn't fight the initial attack.

But, I'm learning from my mistakes, and I hope and pray that others learn from my bad example.
The Lord lead me to I John tonight after all of this...

"But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already won a victory over those people, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world."
I John 4:4

Just previous to this verse, it's talking about false prophets, what to look for in a true prophet of God, and then it continues to say how false prophets have the spirit of the antichrist, which is a spirit OF THE WORLD...
So the Spirit (God, Holy Spirit) who lives in me is greater than the spirit who subsides in the world.
That's when I was like "ohhh, I messed up..."

We all make mistakes. Yes, even as Christians. But Jesus died for exactly that, so that we can be forgiven, given a second, third, fourth, five-hundredth chance. And our mistakes doesn't make Him love us any less.

I'd also like to just acknowledge that I have a great boyfriend, who encourages me in the middle of all of this. "do me a favor, go to your room, lay on your bed, and read the Bible. I dont even care what you read, just read something. and then pray..." and he proceeded to give me specific things to pray for and about.
wise words. very wise words. <3

"Fall"

I see posts on Facebook about fall. For me, when fall starts to come, it's like 3 months of holiday preparation. pumpkin everything, followed up with peppermints and lights. and I'm actually looking forward to all of it this year, which seems so strange to me.

Which brings another thought to mind...
Last year at this time, my life was slowly but surely going down the tubes. My entire family was having issues with several different things and I remember thinking, "is there a break anywhere? Any glimmering little light? Any chance that this hell I'm walking through won't last the rest of my life? It's coming from every possible direction..."
LAST YEAR, the miserable-holidays (which were incredibly lonely) kicked off the next 3 months. Dad had left again before Christmas. We didn't decorate the house at all. no lights, no tree, I didn't even buy anyone's presents 'til after Christmas day. It was hard.
January 2012 I got a job. I was working my butt off, going to school and swimming my heart out. I'd leave at 9am and not get back home until 6pm MAYBE.
then my Dad ended up in the ICU. that was horrific....he was in there for a week before I went to see him. (something that i really regret) My Mom and my sister, Amy, had been begging me to go see him. The night I went to see him for the first time, was the eve of the day they were going to put a breathing tube in him. He labored so hard for each and every breath. He was skinny, he had lost hair and he was so pale. I could only be there for 30 seconds tops before I raced out of his room, through the ICU doors and into the waiting room to cry. There was another family in there when I got in the room trying to hold myself together. Their expressions I will never forget. I must have looked horrified. It hurts just to remember....
for 47 running days, I cried at work, struggled to keep my grades up, ran a lot and swam as hard as I could. I swam at every swim meet I could get into just to keep myself busy. I broke a few PR's during that time...

But this year is looking much much better. This holiday season appears to be much happier. Little Finley (Amy's son) was born a month ago. Dad's at a program and not out on the streets. Stephen's with me. It's going to be a much happier time. and for that, I'm thankful.