love...hurts?

we talk about how good the love of God is. it really really is. His love for me is so outrageous and ridiculous it drives me crazy.

.......

but have you ever loved like God?

well, me being the stupid, radical human that i am, i started asking God to teach me how to love. you all know this. ive said it over and over. three years ago, now, it's been part of my daily prayer that i take seriously. that hasn't lost it's umph, every time i say it.

"God, teach me how to love."

that's the stupidest prayer ever. 

That prayer WILL be answered. and you WILL love like He does. 

but it so sucks sometimes.

because then you start REALLY loving people a lot. more than you "should". and it hurts to love them so much. people you barely even know, you start REALLY loving, who are sometimes located so far away. and it sucks. especially when you love them and they brush you off. [im not talking the lovey-dovey gf/bf love..this is like, sincere, pure love.]

this tiny little answered prayer will get you crying like a little girl in your bedroom with Jesus. this little sucker will get you to feel a way that you honestly can't describe with words. 

there's an up to this too though. people will notice it. your words, your actions, everything will shine love in it's purest form. and it's so great to love people like this. and the words from mentors that say "it's so exciting to see. you always hope for the best, but to actually see it is the best thing ever. you're GROWING in love!!!" it's soo awesome to simply be you, and for that alone encourage other people. it's pretty awesome, because i love encouraging people a lot.

i was holding back tears the entire two hour ride home. when i got home and everyone left, i was finally able to just let loose. ive been crying for a long time now, and i dont even know why...love? id put my money on it. 

anyway...i have no idea where im going with life now. God seems to be screwing all my plans every other day. which is good, cause i want His way. i know He lets me go that one day in-between for a reason. maybe to keep me on my toes or something..i dont know.