life is one tough cookie. ( <--that's the edited version of what im actually thinking.....)
"we're like fire and gasoline, im no good for you, you're no good for me. we only bring each other tears and sorrow." -- Tomorrow by Chris Young.
the stuff that really really matters to me is at a hopeless state. the stuff that's okay and fine is going pretty freakin well and somewhat easy. but because the things that really matter to me aren't going so well, my life's a hell-hole.
i am a fighter though, and maybe that's why God's dealt me these crappy cards..because i am capable of handling it.
i get the hard relationships, where all we do is make trouble. we fight, we love, we fight and fight and fight. we're both hard-heads..we say hurtful things, and at times it feels like that's all we do; hurt each other. there's rarely a day of peace between us. we try to act cold toward each other when really we aren't, but we feel the need to look 'strong' and like 'that didnt affect me at all'...but we're not, and it did.
but because i am that fighter, i fight for these relationships. i dont cry, i dont go into the fetal position, i pick up my phone or get in my car and i take the situation head on.
this could be considered a good trait or a bad one though. From an outsider looking in, im sure it looks great. it looks like im strong. it looks like i know what im doing. it even looks like everything's going right.
but to the one that is actually living with this fighting trait, it's not always that wonderful. because sometimes, people need to cry and go into the fetal position and have someone fight for them.
right now, im fighting so hard for these relationships and for my future that i can't think straight. my head's a fog of trying to figure things out and finding a way in.
but like the pastor said last week......it's a season. seasons dont last forever. it's a hand of cards, it'll completely change in a few turns.
i am sincerely trying to find the good, trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel. the key word was trying.
"we're like fire and gasoline, im no good for you, you're no good for me. we only bring each other tears and sorrow." -- Tomorrow by Chris Young.
the stuff that really really matters to me is at a hopeless state. the stuff that's okay and fine is going pretty freakin well and somewhat easy. but because the things that really matter to me aren't going so well, my life's a hell-hole.
i am a fighter though, and maybe that's why God's dealt me these crappy cards..because i am capable of handling it.
i get the hard relationships, where all we do is make trouble. we fight, we love, we fight and fight and fight. we're both hard-heads..we say hurtful things, and at times it feels like that's all we do; hurt each other. there's rarely a day of peace between us. we try to act cold toward each other when really we aren't, but we feel the need to look 'strong' and like 'that didnt affect me at all'...but we're not, and it did.
but because i am that fighter, i fight for these relationships. i dont cry, i dont go into the fetal position, i pick up my phone or get in my car and i take the situation head on.
this could be considered a good trait or a bad one though. From an outsider looking in, im sure it looks great. it looks like im strong. it looks like i know what im doing. it even looks like everything's going right.
but to the one that is actually living with this fighting trait, it's not always that wonderful. because sometimes, people need to cry and go into the fetal position and have someone fight for them.
right now, im fighting so hard for these relationships and for my future that i can't think straight. my head's a fog of trying to figure things out and finding a way in.
but like the pastor said last week......it's a season. seasons dont last forever. it's a hand of cards, it'll completely change in a few turns.
i am sincerely trying to find the good, trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel. the key word was trying.
So true. In life's hardest moments, I can still hear my mom's voice, "You won't feel like this forever. You won't always feel like this." That gave me hope when I was a kid. It's the kind of thing that would make my sobbing stop, even if for a moment, and I would think on that.
ReplyDeleteIt's so true. And the key here is to keep checking for bitterness. Because once bitterness creeps in, that feeling WON'T go away and you WILL feel like that forever (or at least for a very long time).
The fact that you're willing to fight for it shows me you're still on the right track. I love you so much. You're my little sis. <3 XOXOXO