Chicken Joe

I'd just like to dedicate this note to Chicken Joe, in Surfs Up. he's the coolest character, everr. 
a few quotes i love iss--
"dude, she's totally into you! she called you crap."
"Cody! i know he's out here, i can feel it in my nuggets."
"You know, we've known each other way back since, like... yesterday, I think it was."
"im chicken joe. josheph. short for joe."
"butt freeze!"
"raaaadical."
"whoooa! That cloud looks like a kitten...aww.."

HAHA Chicken Joe, I'd just like to say, i love you. you're so chill. hah

2010

i have done this two years in a row..might as well continue to do it while im young:)


2010 was a year of a lottt of change.
i dont remember many details about early this year..'til about April.
bonfires galore. cold cold COLD winter, colicing horses, bucking, rearing mess, almost dying, that infected insect bite on topper, getting annoyed with myself to the extreme, seeking God, the awakening and reformation tour in Jacksonville, not wanting to leave for it, paneraaaa. :) "hello, at&t?"-Taylor, the chinchilla!! everyy friday night we'd all get together and watch a movie or something. that was fun. growing out my hair! oh! the formal:) getting dressed in that flowy white dress:) Lauren and Josh's wedding, the concoction we made at the reception. Daniel Kealey, my new nephew. meeting Kenny, thinking of a wayy, getting ready for horse camp, ORANGE LAKE!!!! "my mum?!!"-Alyse, "i want some beef.."-Hillary, "alvin, you're a moron. you make the hairs on the back of my thighs stand up like a russian ballerina."-night at the museum 2, "my foot says hi!"-Lauren, all the realllly awesome things they said that only i remember:) hanging out in a hammock, listening to someone talk about Costa Rica and how they have a bunch of hammocks there with monkeys over head and lizards everywhere. making plans to go to Canada to snowboard [and get those gnarly goggles tan] going to Costa Rica, learning to surf, going to Liepaja, getting stuck out in a boat and singing and playing guitar, making a documentary about it and selling it to pay for all the expenses, haha, and making up a language. staying up suuper late with Jesus every night. really late night phone calls, staying up til 4:30 or 5 am on the phone, totally NOT regretting it the following morning, watching the Ramp every weekend via webstream, getting in Gods face, roadtrip! to jacksonville with Keri. ahha "TJ's? that doesnt even make sense. you guys abbreviate EVERYTHING." oh, and seeing my first midget in real life. haha, meeting Whoops, who is still the most gorgeous horse ive seen in my entire life. white water rafting! rock climbing! and the giant slip n slide. being the only one with service on the mountain, [booyah], oh, the word "booyah" meeting Lisa Peters, VBS! "saddle ridge RANCH!!" getting Danny, being wayyyy super duper tired at horse camp and consuming an outrageous amount of food because we rode horses all stinkin day. meeting Kaytlin! and Madeline, Sam, Lauren, Caitlin, all my adopted sisters!!! and Austin, i love that child. :) Avaaaaaaa. pranking. breaking alll the rules at camp on the last day, no helmets, no saddle, no bridle, and three people to a horse. leaving camp, and totallly missing those people sooo much. the little camp songs about Evie ;) wishiinggg i could go to ihops summer camp, and looking at pictures Gabe posted while he was leading, leading worship, Hillarys new song, running, swimming, going to the beach with Haley, getting wayy sunburnt, waking up and shooting a text message to someone, watching the sunrise with Jesus, getting sick, and hanging out with Jesus, the new Pino CD came out this year--best one yet. missing Colorado and South Dakota, even though we all got sick that year. learning guitar. learning to surf. 9'11" long board, 6'3" fish <3, 7'6" al merrick, liberation! being the onlyy girll. college classes, one word:hybrid:p losing touch with people i really love during the semester, meeting Cat, Jade, Reyn, Michael, DYLAN!, all these really awesome people at THS during the swim season, swimming, swimming, sleeping, eating and studying all semester. cutting my hair:) allll the swim meets! girls won all but one i think. getting pneumonia and being out of the pool for two weeks, missing sooo much. Conference was so fun, almost missing my 100free, haha, running to the block and throwing my shorts off, breaking several caps in practice, training, creating the "cool people club, for cold people" with Dylan during practice one day, those dumb 25 sprints on 30 seconds, haha Dylans food baby, the shaving parties, seeing an ungodly amount of hair coming off guys legs, shaving arms, legs, chests, everything. carbing up, getting up outrageously early for meets, huddling up to people I'd only knew for a few months because i was reeeeally cold, drawing on ourselves with sharpies, warm up, warm down, districts!!! 50 free, chillin with Lydia, Gabbi, Dylan, Reyn, Alex...GIRLS WON FIRST!!! <3 cheering for everyone, loosing my voice more than once:) getting gnarrrrrrly tan lines. Dylan, Stephen and i have yet to go three people to a board long boarding..we need to when the cold goes away, going to ihop after the blue-gold meet and watching a GIRL order a 6 egg omelet and eating the entire thing. falling completely in love with those people..
Alex at camp! haha, with the black fingernails. FINALLY getting my golden grahams on the next to the last day, Mrs. Angel going down early and SAVING me a box because i had talked about how i love that cereal and I'd eaten it the entire week in 07. :) coming home soooo bruised up from playing paintball and sliding down the hill on the slip n slide for 45 minutes straight. sleeping on the floor board of the van, stopping in Jax beach because of a chain, that reallllly stinky, super gross bathroom, CHIK FIL A. OH MY GOSH JOSH HAVING A DANCE OFF WITH THE COW. ahw, Joe leaving for KC. me and Lauren's dance thing, watching that one scene from cloudy with a chance of meatballs like 3392048 times on the way to the awakening and reformation tour! ahha. "blaaame shifterr" "today, the girls had some fun in the sun, they drove all over town, and now they're just goofin' aroundd!" <3 Josh having a dance off with himself..in front of Hillarys boss. hahaha. me and Chelsea dancing down the street in Viera. "brother...i made this cookie for you." and then smashing it in Jer's face. haha, Jockson Yew. the crazy insane ways people styled my short hair this year was absolutely outrageous. going to Disney with Bella and Kristin, "gimme that bread.."-Bella haha space mountain, needing a jacket for my face, getting on my first roller coaster everr, freezing my butt off, eating ice cream. painting and writing a lot on my bedroom walls. falling in loove with John Mark McMillan. running a lot. pool covers. driving to and from Melbourne a lott. hanging out with Tim and Jeremy, playing on the indo board, and totallllly dominating at it, the concoction that was thrown in Jeremy's face, drip drip DROP. sliding on the tile and almost killing myself. haha. hacking Laurens FB two weeks in a row. "everywhere..???" that confuses me. Narnia. eating pizza for two days straight. Lisa P lost her mind. competing with Hillary as to who will have the most pictures in LP's "a photo a day" album. laughing really, really hard when the chiropractor was cracking my back. Holy Spirit being my best friend, EVERR. having to pull over on the side of the road because He was just blowing me away with His presence. [first time, ever] praying about surf camp. and Costa Rica. meeting Joya Gorton, southern Costa Rica, here i come! writting to my future husband, a lot. :) gettting the bestt Christmas present everrrr. making the hard decisions, now i just need to follow through with them. enduring the change, even when it's hard. because it will be soooo worth it in the end. waking up to His presence in my room. getting up early, going to swim practice, coming home and doing school mostly all day, and then going back to swim in the evening. i had a really busy schedule this past semester. i missed a lot of people, but also learned a lot about that whoole thing. "you'll just KNOW when he's the one. there won't be any guessing." questioning myself, and making myself answer. a lot of thinking out, talking out, writing out. but it was such a joy, even when it got rough. thinking of the sun, and how much i really, really love it. TST. "20 25's, fly pull on 30 seconds..start on the top." :p back stroooke. :p God totally giving me my camera case thing back at orange lake! He healed me a lot this year too..my wrist, knee, heart, etc etc etc...God did a lot for me this year, a lot of suuuuuper, reeeealllly awesome things happened to me that still blows my mind. one of the manny best things that He did was show me what im supposed to do with my life. im excited.
i had a really, really awesome, unforgettable year. i met people this year that i will never forget, and i hope im one of the people they never forget too. :) and i hope next year is just as good.

glory

it is insanely cold outside. which is why i went to church, came home and played music 'til we left for the movies, and as soon as i got back i found myself playing again. :)

i learned something earrrrly this morning at nearly 3am.
people are people. we all make really horrible decisions at some point in life.
and then again today, sitting in a movie theatre..
God is God. and He's perfect. and really nothing compares. ever.
and i realized something about myself the very next moment. i dont want to talk about Him like He's not here with me..i want to talk right to Him.
every chord/note i play, i want it to give glory to Him. every wave i ride, i want to bring Glory to Him. every horse i ride, i want it all to go to Him. every lap i swim, all for Jesus.
otherwise, what am i living for? if people are people, who mess up, then why would i try to please them all the time? especially if everyone's different..that's an  impossible expectation.
but if im here to live for Him in every way, where can i go wrong? yeah, ill definitely offend my fair share of people still. but id rather offend a few imperfect people and please a perfect God than to please imperfect people and offend the perfect God.
there really aren't words to describe what i've gotten from God. words can't describe my desperation for Him. and words can't describe how im trying my hardest to let go of some things in my life right now so that i can get more of Him.

Christmas 2010

Today wasn't so much about presents or food, like everyone else, for me. It WAS a reminder of how much things are changing in my life, and in the people's lives around me.


change is bittersweet. bitter, because sometimes change means losing someone. that hurts, a lot. what hurts more is knowing that you're going to lose someone. bitter because my sister is in PA this year with her three boys and a sick husband. bitter because she had a sucky Christmas. bitter because watching my grandfather open his presents, everyone shed a tear. Sweet, because even though it hurts now, it will be worth it later. sweet because God is still God, and He's still right here with me. sweet, because God still does a lot in the midst of the pain, and the "morning" is something to look forward to. sweet, because God won't let me lose hope, He always gives me SOMETHING to hold to.
I've said this once already this week...but growing up really does suck sometimes. what we call "reality" smacks you in the face, hard. and i seem to run-run-run, trying to escape it, but i can't. Eventually i receive that smack, and it still hurts. no matter how long and hard i ran.
Holy Spirit encourages me. little reminders in my heart, things to look forward to. 
i really want to crawl into His arms right now, and cuddle with Him, and forget everything.

life's good.

growing up is tough sometimes..
today i made the decision that it's time to step away from horses. they've been part of my life for such a long time. it's sad.
Philippians 3:13-14.
i have not reached the ultimate goal yet. no. but im putting the past behind me, as tamone would say in the Lion King, and looking forward.
God's used me a lot in horses. for over half of my life, it's been all about horses. and He's used that passion inside of me to minister to people.
it's a new day. im growing. im changing, just like a tree changes as the seasons flash by. it's not bad. it's actually a good thing.
to everyone who met me in the midst of my horse-craze, i haven't changed thatt much. God's just taking me in a new direction. i gave Him permission..i realized this today as tears streamed down my face..i remember the very day that i said "ok God, do what you want with me." and really meant it. well, He's doing what He wants with me. He actually answered a lot of prayer today..He really hears me.


so yeah, it kinda hurts a little bit. but now that i am not an emotional mess and i can make myself sit back and look at the whole situation as a whole, it's not bad.
that horse has taught me a lot...how much more will he get to teach another little girl?
and really, how much more extra time might i have now? to grow in the things He's called me to do. and to venture forth into His calling for my life? how much more will i get to see Him use me in other things that i can totally devote myself to? like surfing!


and really, stepping away from horses doesnt change me. :) im still me. horses dont define me, God does. Nothing and no one can take me from Him. so why was i so fearful? He's got complete control of my entire life. and He proves it to me day by day. it looks like a out-of-control whirlwind sometimes, and it scares me..but then He's right there, directing the winds.
i said something on FB the other day: "funny how we talk and sing and preach about how backwards and upside down God does things, and then when He actually starts doing things backwards and upside down in our lives, we freak out and act like it's something scary and creepy."
and it's really funny how God shows me things before stuff happens, and then when it does happen i freak out, every time. but when i finally calm down and look at the big picture i see that His hand was on me the entire way. 


Seeing Him face to face for just one moment can change a life forever. there's no changing back. :)
"if i could just touch the hem of Your garment today, of this i am certain-that i'd never be the same"
hahahah how silly of me..to expect to seek His face and find Him and be with Him, and to not change.

This weekend:
driving, a lott of driving. swimming, "consistencyness", concoctions to smear in faces and concoctions in drinks.. whipped cream fights..sour cream in the face, drip drip DROP, slipping, cleaning up, INDO BOARD, "kicking queen";), "Tim...RED EYE FLASHES TWICE!", rockin the mohawk, getting locked IN the room this morning, wanting so much to share my excitement about Jesus with someone, wanting Him more than anything, staying up til 3am, feeding barefoot, can you believe next week right now it will be Christmas? weird...being completely random and telling L.P. a story that took place 7 months ago and gave her all the history and everything about it all in like three minutes.."well, that's my weird randomness for the night" "um lisa? you're always weird" "thanks."
the baby food game, "if i could have Lizzy under my tree on Christmas day, i would be the happiest person in the world":) being paid in trident layers! sugarrr highhh. super huge ice cream cones. countless times i got food or SOMETHING smeared on my face.. a hot sandwich with pineapple on it:) getting lost with Taylor. losing Molly. getting on the boat...
"ICEBERG!" embarrassing Hillary and Lauren was so fun. SPAM TEXTING! "hi hi hi hi hi hi" x's 16.
messin' with Jeremy Tim and Joe. being completely surprise-hugged! umm, Gabe doing that suuper weird thing..someone asked to marry me? im Kyle's hero. missing Latvia like crazyy this weekend, and wanting so much to go back but knowing that i cant because God said so.
"it should make people puke....LAUREN! can you imagine if people REALLY started puking? 'oh why is my stomach so upset??' ITS NOT YOUR STOMACH, ITS HOLY SPIRIT PUKING UP ALL THE CRAP YOU HAVE IN YOURSELF!" [i said this in a veryy public setting, quite loudly.]
"what kind of animals were there when Jesus was born?" "horses!" "cows" "sheep" "pigs"".....i dont think there were pigs in a Jewish barn..."
soooo mannnyyyy peoplesss handssss innnn myyyy haaairrr. like seriously probably 11 people could not get their nasty fingers off my head over the course of this weekend.
receiving spam. getting spam text'd."what's your favorite Bible verse?" "um..I DONT KNOW ITS ALL GOOD!" honestly, how could i pick ONE favorite? so i just said Matthew 18. the PUPPY! hangin out at steak and shake. taking pictures, making gingerbread cookies! talking to God in the car on the way home. to think that He thinks im pure is insane..talking with Hillary about how God does things so backwards and upside down. getting very little sleep. playing my guitar for a longg time:) <3
i LOVE music. just being real with God about my life and where i am..it's good. just telling Him things He already knows, Him just talking back to me! just like He really was sitting in the passenger seat, carrying on in conversation. :) i think He was. and thinking about God, and how He will go wherever He has to to get me...it's crazy. that there is no low that's too low for Him to come to to rescue me. "far as the curse shall last" or whatever. He'll do whatever it takes for me. pretty crazy. pretty messed up. but also really awesome.


over all, from friday til now, the days have blurred in to each other. i slept veryy little. i pretty much lived in Melbourne, but i reallllly love you all there (: soo much. andd now i think ill go have time with Jesus..for a really long time. and then go to sleep. hope you all had a great weekend too.

foolish pride

i was just thinking, pride really is soo foolish. 
would you sit back for a moment with me and look at this with me? 


Pride, n: "a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance,merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc."


God: [there is no dictionary definition, so let me enlighten you in my own words.] Jehovah, Yeshua, I Am, Kadesh, Holy, Yahweh, perfect in every way possible. None can even stand up to compare to Him, Every knee must bow. There is none like Him, and there is none that is opposite of Him. He is completely different, completely holy, perfectly beautiful, flawless, mighty, completely powerful...etc etc etc..


NOW. dont you think pride is at least a little foolish and stupid?
us humans, who are so puny and tiny and so small..we think we are alll that and a bag of chips. like we're kings and queens of the universe, and the whole entire world revolves around ourselves and our schedules. 
When really, this amazing God who created us, who is just so perfect and so mighty is here too, wondering when we will wake up. He's already given us sight, but we sit there terrified of anything and everything that is outside of us, that we hug our pillows and shut our eyes and pretend that we dont see. which is the worst part in all of this! is that we pretend that we dont see, and we force ignorance on ourselves! we crawl into our little holes and live life as "normal".


God never said to live like a normal person. we are supposed to be imitators of Christ; did Jesus live a normal life?
i think not. He we all out for us. He died for sinners, He humbled  Himself more and more every second of every day. He spent time with the lepers, tax collectors and prostitutes. 
im not entirely sure what to say now. 
it kind of shocked me today when all of this went through my head. that we have the nerve, really, to be prideful when we're supposed to be  like Jesus, who was perfectly humble, to the extreme.

He wants the good..and the bad

Even when i walk in the valley of the shadow of death, His perfect love is there, casting out fear...

"i will fear no evil for my God is with me, and if my God is with me, who, then, shall i fear?"

this is a good song...

you know, Jesus died so we could be free. "I am leaving you with a gift--peace of mind and heart. And the peace i give is a gift the world cannot give. So dont be troubled or afraid." John 14:27  im being challenged in that, am i REALLY living like a free person? He died so that i could live boldly and recklessly for Him, so that i dont have to fear one single thing ever in my entire life. i wont die a second before im supposed to, and i wont live a moment more than im supposed to. i wont walk through ANYTHING that im not supposed to walk through. 

so if He has total and complete control, why the heck do i fear? why do i worry? 

you know what that is? that's reserving myself..i haven't given it all to Him yet. i've been living half way for for someone who gave His all for me! I've been living such a lie!

Just like we can't take parts of God, that we have to take all or nothing, He won't take just some of us. He wants the good and the bad.

I'm keeping some of myself from Him! That's not living a laid down life. that's not being sold out. that's not being radical. that's not breaking my box at His feet!!!

OH MY GOSH im just now realizing this. how dumb! 

God is that what You've been asking for all this time? 

im kicking myself over this! i never even knew! like, i knew but i never saw it this way before. 

wow, and now im realizing that i have a lot of fears and worries...

i thought me and God were all good, but He wanted more! and i thought it was a different area in my life, but no! He wants my fearful self so that i can live in His freedom! 

He truly gives good, gooood gifts to His children. wow..

He's so good to me

I've thought about this a bit today...

how there are soooo many denominations, and how people dont identify themselves as "christians" but as "church of God" or "catholic" or "assemblies of God" or "baptist" or "pentecostal" 

do you even know how jacked up that is? i dont think Jesus died so that we would identify ourselves as our denomination or what parts of the Bible we believe in.....that's just so wrong! That's putting God, AND ourselves in a box! He died to set us free, so we could BREAK our boxes as His feet, not make more boxes for us to live in...

ill tell you what i believe, what i KNOW for a FACT that is true. for example...

every single word in the Bible. Psalms says to dance in His presence, and to sing and shout for joy. 

so do i believe in dancing and singing in church? absolutely.

isn't it kinda jacked up to not believe something in the Bible? or believe something that ISNT in the Bible? like...that mother mary should be worshipped? 

umm....news flash, Yahweh is a JEALOUS God, and He says "do not worship any god before Me."...so praying to mother mary is a sin. because praying is part of the process of falling in love..[Stacy talks a lil about this from Chosen in one of their morning sessions..]

she did not live a sinless life. Jesus did. yes, she had favor with God, but that does not mean she is a holy being that should be exalted. 

sooo.. im living according to the Bible. not according to some denomination, like so many other people...

man that just is sooo messed up. in sooo many different ways. :p

and another thing i have pondered today is a lottt more fun to think about:)

how He is sooooo stinkin GOOOOOD to meeeeeee!!

and How He's FREEEEEED MEEEEE!!!!!

oh, i just remembered why i was thinking about this..haha God's funny..

you just have no idea! THIS LOVE THAT I KNOW IS GREATER THAN LIFE ITSELF! it makes me want to laugh and cry and jump and just lay on the ground with my face in the sand allll at the same time. like, i dont know how i HAVENT just combusted.

you have nooo idea how GOOD it is to LIVE. to be ALIVE. if you have never experienced complacency, you dont know how good it is to truly be alive. [complacency, i think, is the worst place to be everr. it's the worst feeling inside, it makes me want to puke.]

by GRACE i  am FREE. He's rescued me! and now i get to live for Him!

do you have anyy idea how GREAT a privilege it is to LIVE for Him?! im using a lot of exclamation points to express my excitement..

do you know how crazyy it sounds to me when people have to be encouraged to live for Jesus? good or bad, it's an HONOR to serve Him! Do you even KNOW who He is?! 

seriously, if you HAVE to be encouraged to live for Him, have you seen His face? if you haven't, you need to.

[im not saying it's bad to be encouraged. but if you are completely dependent on that you need help..]

i truly dont know what words to use to express my great joy and greatt love and excitement. 

wanna know the coolest part about loving and being loved by Jesus? :) i have no need to have a boyfriend. i think that's kind of a reason people my age "HAVE" to be in a relationship..because they aren't being loved enough, and they have no one to love.

if God brings *him* my way any time soon, cool! buut, i dont HAVE to have it right now, because im completely fulfilled in Him. even when i dont feel Him, my heart cries out for Jesus more than a guy anyy day. He'll never everr let me go like some guy would. Jesus will hold me tight forever, and im soooo cool with that:)

for me, it's a time to just....laugh. to be completely and totally happy. yeah, some things may frustrate me at times, and honestly i must apologize. [my "actions" today weren't from my heart. i was in a hurry, truly. the phone call: i was singing to Jesus in the car and didnt feel it or hear it. same goes for the text message. i only saw that i missed it when i got to practice. yes i was a tad frustrated because i LOVE music, and i LOVE making music for Him! and i realllyy wanted to do that with everyone today, and i was running out of time and i wasn't excited about it. i just wanted to play SOMETHING to Him before i had to get to the pool and i was disappointed because i didnt get a chance to do that. im sorry that my actions seemed like i was super mad and frustrated and like i didnt wanna hear it from anyone. i didnt intend them to come across that way. it really wasn't in my heart to be like that.]

BUT yeah, things sometimes are frustrating. but it doesnt change the fact that it's time for some laughter, some crazy, super weird laughter:) because He is just sooooo good..