life's good.

growing up is tough sometimes..
today i made the decision that it's time to step away from horses. they've been part of my life for such a long time. it's sad.
Philippians 3:13-14.
i have not reached the ultimate goal yet. no. but im putting the past behind me, as tamone would say in the Lion King, and looking forward.
God's used me a lot in horses. for over half of my life, it's been all about horses. and He's used that passion inside of me to minister to people.
it's a new day. im growing. im changing, just like a tree changes as the seasons flash by. it's not bad. it's actually a good thing.
to everyone who met me in the midst of my horse-craze, i haven't changed thatt much. God's just taking me in a new direction. i gave Him permission..i realized this today as tears streamed down my face..i remember the very day that i said "ok God, do what you want with me." and really meant it. well, He's doing what He wants with me. He actually answered a lot of prayer today..He really hears me.


so yeah, it kinda hurts a little bit. but now that i am not an emotional mess and i can make myself sit back and look at the whole situation as a whole, it's not bad.
that horse has taught me a lot...how much more will he get to teach another little girl?
and really, how much more extra time might i have now? to grow in the things He's called me to do. and to venture forth into His calling for my life? how much more will i get to see Him use me in other things that i can totally devote myself to? like surfing!


and really, stepping away from horses doesnt change me. :) im still me. horses dont define me, God does. Nothing and no one can take me from Him. so why was i so fearful? He's got complete control of my entire life. and He proves it to me day by day. it looks like a out-of-control whirlwind sometimes, and it scares me..but then He's right there, directing the winds.
i said something on FB the other day: "funny how we talk and sing and preach about how backwards and upside down God does things, and then when He actually starts doing things backwards and upside down in our lives, we freak out and act like it's something scary and creepy."
and it's really funny how God shows me things before stuff happens, and then when it does happen i freak out, every time. but when i finally calm down and look at the big picture i see that His hand was on me the entire way. 


Seeing Him face to face for just one moment can change a life forever. there's no changing back. :)
"if i could just touch the hem of Your garment today, of this i am certain-that i'd never be the same"
hahahah how silly of me..to expect to seek His face and find Him and be with Him, and to not change.