get real

"Your generation has a 'real' radar. it's like you know when people are real or not." [paraphrased]--my psych teacher.
it's true. My generation is on the lookout for one thing; something REAL. and when we find this one real thing, we grab onto it and never let go. we get a little radical and a little crazy over that thing that we've found to be real. we don't care what people think about us, when we find something worth dying over, we will push life to it's limits.
"I'll take you with your hats on backwards, and your pink hair and your nose rings. 'cause you believe! you believe that you dont go to church to be entertained. you believe that you're not here because you need some type of social stimulation. you're here because you believe if somebody would equip you, you could shake the earth. you believe if somebody would put a weapon in your hand, you could begin to rake the gates of hell with message of the gospel of the Kingdom. because you are the most prophetic generation that's ever been. When you hear somebody that's real, you REACT, you respond and you'll go to war for that. that's why we found a generation that will die for this cause, because you believe that you have found something real."
-Damon Thompson
"i believe you are the most privilaged generation that has ever lived. not because of where things are in America right now, but because of where God is taking things. i don't believe there's ever been a generation that's going to experience what you experience. i believe youre gonna be privileged with the greatest outpouring of the Holy Spirit that any generation has ever experienced.  that means there's something in the DNA of this generation that has an intuitive ability to connect with the realm of the spirit, the supernatural, to hear from God to see the things of the spirit, to dream the dreams of heaven, to see visions from heaven, there's something in this generation, that for them it will come more easily than any other generation, but it is waiting to be awakened in some of you."
-Dutch Sheets

so, everyone on earth. you wanna see my generation love God and change the course of history? seriously, start being REAL. be real with struggles, don't try to cover it up. be real with and about God.
when you just get real with people and stop trying to act perfect and be goody-two-shoes, and actually admit real life problems, they feel like they can come to you with anything. and then that opens a door to pray for them...
which in the end could result in the biggest awakening ever to happen on the earth.
it breaks my heart to see so many people go through the religious acts. it's not real, and that screams "DONT COME HERE!" to my generation.
we are sick and tired of dead, dry, useless religion. it's true, we NEED and WANT an awakening, and we won't settle for less.

i think all of this is part of the reason you see some kids take up the holy lifestyle. fasting and prayer. nazirites. consecration to God--not having a boyfriend or girlfriend.
it's cause we're sick of everything else. and once we've found something real, we GO for it. it's described perfectly by these two men. they describe me perfectly.
i refuse to settle with going through the motions when there's more to it!
no, i dont know exactly where God's taking me with all of this. but ill take it, one baby step at a time. i know i have so much to learn and so much to experience. i know i seem so immature and childish. this is where i am.

so ill start with this being real thing.
i need Jesus. Im not getting enough of Him. i hate that i spend all day doing school and swimming. i hate that it's soo hard to fast because of swimming, because i want to fast food all together but it's not happening with swimming. i need clear clear direction for this summer because i dont feel like i hit the right door yet. i have had crazy dreams lately that i wish God would explain to me. and i need someone to text sporadically through out the day about Jesus, who is young, who will get as excited as i am about Jesus, who is like-hearted, and who has the same view as me.

there. im being completely real. now it's your turn, please, just be real. for the sake of my generation.

awakening

i got up this morning and was kind of sad..
one whole week since onething orlando. since hanging out with Jeremy and Kenny, since meeting Brittany, since being with a whole crowd of people who loves Jesus just like i do. it really is life-changing, i dont care what anyone says. and missing it is the sentimental side of me coming out..

but then i began to really think about why i missed it so much. i think i know why.

i was telling Gabe about one of the worship services and explaining it to him, and how it was just "SO COOL!" when he said "you got a taste of the awakening."
ahhh.
so i miss this awakening. i miss people, yes. it's not that i "miss" His presence, because He's been with me all week! it's the AWAKENING. He's given me a taste of awakening so that i can crave it.

God isn't One to let you taste something that you love and never let you taste it again.
i have had dream after dream this week that didn't make sense that NOW makes sense. i GET IT. i think.

AWAKENING. God, Awaken Florida! Awaken my city! Set every captive free, and receive the reward for Your suffering! place it on every intercessors heart, wake us up at mad hours of the night to pray for it. place a deep hunger in us to have it. and do not let our cries go unheard.

i am so desperate for Him in a greater measure than before. i don't want old, i want new. 

Lisa-Consecrated One

On the very first day of this year, Holy Spirit asked me if I'd consecrate myself to Him this year. My answer to Him is yes.
yes, i know i will be consecrated to Him by requirement when i go to ihop for an internship, or really anywhere, i am sure.  but i like to put it this way: I'd rather give excessively to Him than to hoard my time and my affections. i won't loose one single thing in this year with Him.
His flaming, burning-with-desire eyes that gaze straight at my heart in complete jealousy is NOT something i can ignore. His frighteningly beautiful gaze overwhelms me.
i was texting a friend of mine, kenny, who put it perfectly. he described my heart towards it perfectly: "it's like Jesus is getting me to a point where His love is the sustainer of my life."
plain and simple, i just couldnt put into words like that.
His love is all i need. and i can JOYFULLY live with that :)
This year, i am taking a bunch of big steps. i become, legally, an adult. i go into my senior year in high school. i go into my sophomore year in college. i am going to Costa Rica, as of right now. the list goes on and on, This year, i am making a lot of large decisions, and i dont want any "drama" to be  distracting me. it's not happening.
realistically, I've BEEN consecrated to Him..now that i think about it. hahaha, but id like to not share that story.
There's no one like Him in the heavens or in the earth, I'd like to know this Man better, who is like no one and who no one is like.

i was created to burn.

i started reading Nazirite DNA today by Lou Engle. 

im two chapters in, and re-reading what i already read. the chapters are two mini-pages long or so.

"The Nazirite theme could be "All of my fountains of pleasure are in You!" The Nazirite spontaneously and willingly separates himself from even the legitimate pleasures of this life in order to experience the One great all-consuming pleasure of knowing and loving God." [pgs 12 and 13]

reading some of these things makes my heart burn.

"the only qualification [to be a Nazirite] was to have a heart that intensely desired it." ["it" being near God.]

he mentions that God always gave Israel her Nazirites, especially when the nation was in trouble, because God had not given up on her.

God's calling America's Nazirites. 

i was talking to a really cool man of God today, he said this: 

"Jesus is getting me to a point where His love is the sustainer of my life."

yeah, i feel the same exact way, except i couldn't put it into words. my definition of this intense-craziness is "kajsdhfklhjsdfbvjcjdfhwuhusdfhjkbsdfkj!!!!" :)

"i just want to bless Your name, I just want to make You glad, I just want to move Your heart God, to give you All i am. 

it's by Your will, For Your pleasure i exist. You are worthy Lord! You are Worthy Lord! 

To Worship You i live to Worship You i live, i live i worship You."

this is my heart-cry. i told God today "i don't even care if You take me to Costa Rica or not. If i sit here in Titusville all my life and just play my guitar to You and minister to Your heart, as long as i make You glad, i will be happy."

dangerous prayer right there. only a select few people know this burning inside of me. it can make you jump with joy one moment and the very next you're on your face weeping. i am thankful that you understand. 

this deep deep longing inside me for Him is NOT something i can ignore. this passion and this love and this burning desire physically hurts. 

I LOVE HIM. and He's ALL i want.

what does this mean to you? well, if you're a guy, NO. if your intentions is to "talk" to me because you "like" me, i can PROMISE you that it's not gonna work. i have no interest in any guy, and right now im perfectly happy to spend 6-8 hours a day with Jesus, not with you. [actually, i'd rather it this way.] He loves me more than you ever could. :)

to everyone else..im not watching movies. im not messing around on video games. im not screwing around with pointless things. if you wanna spend time with me, the one thing that i really want to do is worship Him. whole heartedly. i know this sounds stiff, and maybe even boring to a lot of you. i dont care..

i want Jesus more than i want your approval of how i spend my time. 

i am NOT backing down from this. every day, i HAVE to have  a new, bigger passion for Him than i did the day before. my heart beats for Him. no one else. 

i LOVE Him. i cannot stress that enough. i know, those who talk to me regularly, especially those of you who catch me when im with Him, you wayyy know this because it's at the end of everything i say. but it's true. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!

and to give up legit. pleasures to have the extreme pleasure of intimately knowing God..well, they're not pleasures compared. <3

1.16.11

"like oil upon Your feet, like wine for You to drink, like water from my heart, i pour my love on You. if praise is like perfume, i lavish mine on You, 'til EVERY drop is gone, i pour my love.."

this song. i could lay on my face all day and sing it to Him.
i just wanna please His heart. i want my actions and worship to minister to His heart.

i feel SO loved right now.

one of the only things i remember Mike Bickle talking about last night was that God loves "up close", He wants to be in my heart just like i want to be in His. He wants to be close to me just like i want to be close to Him.

just like i want to be close to the people my heart loves, He wants to be close to me. in a literal sense.

and it's like ill have a blow-out week with Him [like this week between my own personal seeking time AND onething Orlando] but then, ill just want Him more than before.
but it's like that with people too i guess! when i am with a person i really really love for a day and then we go our own ways, i drive home thinking "wow..can i re-live that? i can't wait til the next time we get to hang out!"

i love Him, more than anyone else.

burning

My heart burns for Him. it's completely untamable, and unmanageable. 

I was so excited last night that i did not fall asleep until about 1am.

at 4am sharp, Holy Spirit woke me up. At first, my flesh was screaming "GO BACK TO SLEEP YOU HAVE A BIG DAY TODAY!" 

but then He said "I just want some of your affection this morning, and if you want Me to come when you ask, you should come when I ask."

so i got up. i prayed, i thought, i played, i paced, i read, i thought some more..

i got three hours of sleep. i will hopefully be up super late tonight at onething. 

"if your 'one thing' isn't your FIRST thing, then it's not really your one thing."--DT

good stuff. 

i screamed "My soul longs for You, Lord, in a dry and weary land! come and TAKE YOUR PLACE in the CENTER of my heart!" at the top of my lungs yesterday..

my whole WORLD has to revolve around Him. 

i am working towards this. i want my whole world to revolve around Him, i dont want to be chasing other things around or looking to someone or something for "stability"..He's gotta be IT for me. nothing and no one else. i want Him to be my ONE THING.

and i want Him to be able to come to me, whatever time it is, and ask me to do stuff. even if He just wants my worship, at 4am in the morning. 

i mean, think about it. when your best friend needs something, even IF it's some stupid hour of the morning, we get up and talk on the phone or whatever for however long they need us. 

well, Holy Spirit's my best friend. really. and if He wants anything from me, whenever it is, i AM willing to give it to Him, whenever. [i am partially saying this in faith, because i know im not all the way there yet.] When He calls to me, i will go. BECAUSE when i call for Him, He comes. simple as that. He gave His life for me, im giving my life for Him! no gray areas, no "in between", im done with that...

that "im between" lifestyle almost killed me. only by the great, burning jealousy and grace that God has for me am i still alive and breathing today. i am determined to get as far away from that as possible. im running straight to Jesus, no turning back. 

"MY bride"

i had a most interesting dream last night. about my wedding day. and i was getting ready for it, and like freaking out because my soon to be husband was waiting for me.
when i woke up i was asking God "What the heck was that? What are you saying to me?"
God speaks to me with songs a lot. whether they have the most beautiful lyrics ever, or no lyrics at all. Well, this morning He sang to me "You have ravished My heart" by Brian and Jenn Johnson

"No longer your master but your husband I will be. You have ravished My heart with one glance of your eyes. How fair is your love, my promised, my bride.."

He made it SO real to me. i am His bride!
He's waiting for me to be ready. So very patiently, and so lovingly.
and as He sits there waiting, He's telling me "you have ravished my heart with just one tiny glance from your eyes. i never miss it."
AHH...His love for me is so insane. He thinks i ravish His heart..haha. He ravishes mine! wayy more than i ever could ravish His.
you know that feeling in your heart that you get when you feel ultra loved? well, multiply that feeling by 1456654235845674895423212546748965263321200546878562456. That's how i feel.
He's sooo jealous for me! i don't think life could get better than it is right now.